Thursday, 6 August 2009

Heartfelt award and so much to say

I have the best readers and blogger friends ever. I say it once in a while, certainly not often enough, but it is unquestionably true.

I have lapsed with my blogging not because there haven't been things to tell you about but rather because there has been too much stuff. Have you ever been stifled and mummed by how much you want to convey? Where to begin? I think the pragmatic response is to say things more often! There has been challah baking - and learning why baking challah is such a divinely special mitzvah for Jewish women to perform - I have been learning to sew with the girls, there are holiday photos from Florida, cake adventures galore.... and then there have been some musings about life.

Why haven't I posted them? A lack of time I suppose. And a desire to do more than post a recipe or snapshot but to analyse and share. And that takes time and energy, both of which have been somewhat rare commodities lately.

But you have lured me back with your support and wonderful comments and for that, and the inspiration with which you nourish my days, I am grateful. I want to invest more in this blog. A huge shout out and thank you to Esme, whose blog I adore and who has bestowed on me the honour of the 'Heartfelt Award'.
If there is something I would like my blog to be then it is that! Esme describes it best: those blogs that give you a warm and comforting feeling, that remind you of what matters in life, that are poignant with their honesty and graceful in their celebration of all that is warm and comforting and, in the case of the blogs that I enjoy, womanly.

I would like to give the award to a few blogs that give me that feeling, too, but each in different ways. Comfort brings with it connotations of beauty and the idyllic, but the blogs that I have chosen mix that with a dose of reality. I love these blogs for their honesty, for the different manifestations of comfort, such as humour, creativity, resourcefulness. In no particular order:

Party of six - Amy's beautiful family, stunning writing and gorgeous photography. A real treasure.

Heather Drive - a wonderful blog about married life and adventures.

Overdue - Emily's witty, clever blog that you must read. I am mortified that I have completely forgotten about the bookclub. Please forgive me Emily!

In other news:

I am leaving my job (as a corporate trainee lawyer) for good next Friday. I haven't got another job in the pipeline and that scares me. Normally I am the 'sorted' one, the one who has everything together. As you all know, life on a conveyor belt was wearing me down. So now I will have plenty of time to think. Am I scared? Yes. Instability and judgement await me. This is the first time ever that I have been directionless. There are no legal jobs on the market, and as I qualify as a solicitor I wonder whether I will ever practice. And somehow, staying in this, one of the world's largest law firms, wasn't an option.

My father and Marc are on my side and understand my need to lead a more balanced life than corporate law can offer, but my mother sees things rather differently and I know she feels that I have thrown away an amazing opportunity. If I am honest I do feel I have failed. Yet if that is the case then I have failed in something that doesn't matter to me. Failure isn't a nice feeling but it can be contextualised and viewed with perspective when you realise that most people are running around after something they don't even want. So perhaps with time I will feel a release.

On Friday Marc is taking me to Israel for a celebration of my qualifying as a lawyer (a jobless lawyer, but a lawyer all the same). I have a lot to be grateful for. And the 'heartful' quality of your blogs and comments is just what I need.


The Adventuresome Road to Where? said...

Sounds like an exciting time coming up in the near future for you. I lost my job almost two months ago now. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. I will never go back to the corporate world, money is not worth it to me. I am now living on half of the income I was earning before, but I've learned to spend more wisely and enjoy the things I do have. I've also learned that feeling more balanced is worth more than money! I hope you enjoy the change as much as I have!!

Anonymous said...

Awww, thank you muchly for the award. I feel special!
I'm glad you've left your job. The two times I left jobs with nothing in the pipeline were the two times I ended up with jobs I really liked and had never even considered. One of them I didn't even know existed, and I only got it because I'd done a very basic course in sign language for fun(put EVERYTHING on your CV!).
Good luck, I find it comforting that you never know where each small step can take you!

Heather said...

Thanks so much for the award, Vanessa! Sorry it's taken me a few days to hop over here and see it. I can't believe you were in the States recently and didn't even come and see me. :p

Try not to be so hard on yourself about the job situation. If you're not passionate about that job, IT'S OK. I'm not passionate about my job, either... it's a paycheck, and I work so that I can do what I *am* passionate about--which is living my life. Keep on keepin' on, and hopefully you'll be one of the lucky few who ARE passionate about their jobs!

Esme said...

Wow-is all I have to say-It takes courage but I applaud-do not stay and be miserable. You will find what you like doing even though it may take some searching. Be true to yourself.

lol e.